You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
