you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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