She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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