doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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