if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
