ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
