i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
