I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
