Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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