MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ok first of all what the fuck
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
