just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
