420 ftw
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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