Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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