Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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