Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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