they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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