She's JV to your varsity
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
