I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
