I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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