proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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