Your face is a jimmy john
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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