he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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