He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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