Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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