ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
