I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
