4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
