the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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I just blew my weed a kiss
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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