i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
