i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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