Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
