We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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