Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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