ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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