Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
