So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
