Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
