I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
