do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
