I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
