You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
