How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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