i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
People in love make me want to vomit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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