did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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