Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
People in love make me want to vomit
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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