Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
