this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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