sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
