Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
