from now on my penis is your penis
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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