I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
