apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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