She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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