I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
