she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
