you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
