I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
