I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
