He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
