She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
