I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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